A great book that not only combines short chapters on personal improvement ideas but also is based on studies of the research evidence into which methods actually work. Most of the self-help ideas, when studied had no affect whatsoever.
The 59 seconds of the title comes from the chapter summary of what actually works at the end of the book:
Develop the gratitude attitude Having people list three things that they are grateful for in life, or three events that have gone especially well over the past week, can significantly increase their level of happiness for about a month. This, in turn, can cause them to be more optimistic about the future and improve their physical health. Place a picture of a baby in your wallet
Putting a photograph of a smiling baby in a wallet increases the chances of the wallet being returned if lost by 30 per cent. The baby’s big eyes and button nose initiates a deep-seated evolutionary mechanism that causes people to become more caring, and thus increases the likelihood of them returning it.
Hang a mirror in your kitchen Placing a mirror in front of people when they are presented with different food options results in a remarkable 32 per cent reduction in their consumption of unhealthy food. Seeing their own reflection makes them more aware of their body and more likely to eat food that is good for them.
Buy a pot plant for the office Adding plants to an office results in a 15 per cent boost in the number of creative ideas reported by male employees, and helps their female counterparts produce more original solutions to problems. The plants help reduce stress and induce good moods which, in turn, promote creativity.
Touch people lightly on the upper arm Lightly touching someone on their upper arm makes them far more likely to agree to a request because the touch is unconsciously perceived as a sign of high status. In one dating study, the touch produced a 20 per cent increase in the number of people accepting the offer of a dance in a nightclub and a 10 per cent increase in people giving their telephone number to a stranger on the street.
Write about your relationship Partners spending a few moments each week committing their deepest thoughts and feelings about their relationship to paper boosts the chances of them sticking together by over 20 per cent. Such ‘expressive writing’ results in partners using more positive language when they speak to one another, leading to a healthier and happier relationship.
Deal with potential liars by closing your eyes and asking for an email The most reliable clues to lying are in the words that people use, with liars tending to lack detail, use more ‘ums’ and ‘ahs’, and avoid self-references (‘me’, ‘mine, ‘I’). In addition, people are about 20 per cent less likely to lie in an email than telephone call, because their words are on record and so more likely to come back and haunt them.
Praise children’s effort over ability Praising a child’s effort rather than their ability (‘well done, you must have tried very hard’) encourages them to try regardless of the consequences, therefore side-stepping any fear of failure. This, in turn, makes them especially likely to attempt challenging problems, find these problems more enjoyable, and try to solve them in their own time.
Visualize yourself doing, not achieving People who visualize themselves taking the practical steps needed to achieve their goals are far more likely to succeed than those who simply fantasize about their dreams becoming a reality. One especially effective technique involves adopting a third-person perspective: those who visualize themselves as others see them are about 20 per cent more successful than those adopting a first-person view.
Consider your legacy Asking people to spend just a minute imagining a close friend standing up at their funeral and reflecting on their personal and professional legacy helps them to identify their long-term goals, and assess the degree to which they are progressing towards making those goals a reality.
I have included quite a long list of quotes from this book as it was packed with so many useful references I will certainly use again.
Locn. 87-92 Then there is the infamous ‘Yale Goal Study’. According to some writers, in 1953 a team of researchers interviewed Yale’s graduating seniors, asking them whether they had written down the specific goals that they wanted to achieve in life. Twenty years later the researchers tracked down the same cohort and found that the 3 per cent of people who had specific goals all those years before had accumulated more personal wealth than the other 97 per cent of their classmates combined. It is a great story, and frequently cited in self-help books and seminars to illustrate the power of goal-setting. There is just one small problem – as far as anyone can tell, the experiment never actually took place.
Locn. 105-6 The message is clear – those who do not feel in control of their lives are less successful, and less psychologically and physically healthy, than those who do feel in control.
Locn. 170 When people can afford the necessities in life, an increase in income does not result in a significantly happier life.
Locn. 175-79 The bad news is that research shows that about 50 per cent of your overall sense of happiness is genetically determined, and so cannot be altered.9 The better news is that another 10 per cent is due to general circumstances (educational level, income and whether you are married or single, etc.) that are difficult to change. However, the best news is that the remaining 40 per cent is derived from your day-to-day behaviour, and the way in which you think about yourself and others.
Locn. 255-56 those expressing gratitude ended up happier, much more optimistic about the future, physically healthier and even exercised significantly more.
Locn. 280-84 To help incorporate effective writing techniques into your life, I have put together a rather unusual diary. Instead of keeping a record of the past, this diary encourages you to write about topics that will help create a happier future. The diary should be completed on five days of the week, with each entry taking just a few moments. Maintain the diary for one week. Research suggests that you will quickly notice the difference in mood and happiness, and that these changes may persist for months. If you feel the effects wearing off, simply repeat the exercise again.
Locn. 318-22 The results from both studies clearly indicated that in terms of short- and long-term happiness, buying experiences made people feel better than buying products. Why? Our memory of experiences easily becomes distorted over time (you edit out the terrible trip on the airplane and just remember those blissful moments relaxing on the beach). Our goods, however, tend to lose their appeal by becoming old, tatty and out of date.
Locn. 417-18 those who carried out all their acts of kindness on just one day each week increased their happiness by an incredible 40 per cent.
Locn. 445-46 ’Tis Better to Give Than Receive.
Locn. 456-58 Get people to behave in a certain way and you cause them to feel certain emotions and have certain thoughts. The idea was initially controversial but was fortunately supported by a series of compelling experiments.
Locn. 477-78 The message from this type of work is simple – if you want to cheer yourself up, behave like a happy person. Most important of all, smile more. for between 15 and 30 seconds.
Locn. 539-40 if you set children an activity they enjoy and reward them for doing it, the reward reduces the enjoyment and demotivates them. Within a few seconds, you transform play into work.
Locn. 551-52 According to the results of this study, it seems that excessive rewards may have a detrimental effect on the attitude of the people doing the tasks.
Locn. 555-56 studies have shown short-term boosts in performance, but over the long haul rewards tend to destroy the very behaviour they are designed to encourage.
Locn. 556-61 As we’ve seen, what does not work is to motivate people with the promise of a reward. So what form of incentive does work best? To encourage people to do more of something they enjoy, try presenting them with the occasional small surprise reward after they have completed the activity, or praise the fruits of their labour. When it is something that they don’t enjoy, a realistic, but not excessive, reward is effective at the start, followed by feel-good comments that encourage them to pursue the activity (‘if only everyone was a good park-tidying citizen like you’).
On interview techniques:
Locn. 603-4 It seems that presenting weaknesses early is seen as a sign of openness.
Locn. 609-10 It seems that modesty, rather than honesty, is critical for positive aspects of your past. By delaying, Locn. 634-36 Increase your chances of giving a great interview in three easy steps. First, likeability is more important than academic achievements and work experience,
Locn. 643-46 Second, when you do have weaknesses, don’t wait until late in the interview to reveal them. Instead, give your credibility a boost by getting them into the conversation towards the start of the interview. And remember, for positive aspects, modesty is vital, so retain something strong until the very last minute. Locn. 646-47 Finally, if you make what seems like a major mistake, don’t overreact.
Locn. 651-53 Choose the Middle Way. If you want to increase your chances of making a good impression in a meeting, sit towards the middle of the table.
Locn. 673-74 you can increase how bright people think you are simply by improving your handwriting and simplifying your language.
Locn. 693-95 ‘He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.’ In other words, to increase the likelihood of someone liking you, get them to do you a favour.
Locn. 708-9 the same principle applies for favours. To encourage others to like you, ask for their help.
Locn. 750-52 So, say positive and pleasant things about friends and colleagues and you are seen as a nice person. In contrast, constantly bitch about their failings and people will unconsciously apply the negative traits and incompetence to you.
Locn. 775-78 ‘Yes, yes, yes.’ In How To Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie argued that getting someone to answer ‘yes’ to a series of statements increased the likelihood of them agreeing with you in the future. Research conducted over fifty years after the publication of his seminal book has supported the importance of positive utterances.
Locn. 785-87 In a series of studies during the 1930s, psychologist Gregory Razran discovered that people developed a special fondness for other people, objects and statements if they were introduced to them while eating a meal.
Locn. 880-82 The message from the bystander effect is clear – the more people who are around when a person is apparently in need of assistance, the lower the likelihood of any one person actually helping. Locn. 911-12 Together, the results show that charity boxes can become up to 200 per cent more effective by being painted red, labelled ‘Every penny counts’ and placed anywhere except Birmingham.
Locn. 950-55 According to sociologists, there are only a handful of rules that are absolutely central to the well-being of any society. These rules have been found in almost every culture, and help ensure the smooth running of communal living. Perhaps the best known of these is ‘don’t kill other people simply for the fun of it’, closely followed by ‘try not to have sex with members of your close family or their pets’. Even though a minority of people struggle to adhere to them, it is obvious why both of these rules help gel society together. There are, however, several other rules that operate at a more unconscious level, but are nevertheless equally vital for group welfare. The notion of reciprocation is perhaps the most important of these.
Locn. 965-67 We like people who help us, and we help people we like. However, in terms of favours, it is surprising how little it takes for us to like a person, and how much we give on the basis of so little. It seems that if you want to help yourself, you should help others first.
Locn. 1075-79 Why should imagining yourself achieving your goals be so bad for you? Researchers have speculated that those who fantasize about how wonderful life could be are ill prepared for the setbacks that frequently occur along the rocky road to success, or maybe they enjoy indulging in escapism and so become reluctant to put in the effort required to achieve their goal. Either way, the message from the research is clear – fantasizing about your perfect world may make you feel better but is unlikely to help transform your dreams into reality.
Locn. 1150-52 To achieve your aims and ambitions, there are four key techniques that will help you succeed: having the right kind of plan; telling your friends and family; focusing on the benefits; and rewarding yourself each step of the way.
Locn. 1280-82 Some research suggests that eating more slowly helps people eat less, perhaps because it fools our brains into thinking that we’ve eaten more, and allows extra time for the body to digest food.
Locn. 1285-86 starting the meal at a normal rate of eating then dropping to the slower rate, caused both men and women to experience a large reduction in their appetite. The normal-slow combination was even more effective
Locn. 1293-94 If you want to reduce your drinking, stay away from short, wide glasses, and stick to tall, narrow ones.
Locn. 1295-96 Research shows that just placing food or drink out of sight or moving it a few metres away can have a big effect on consumption.
Locn. 1303-4 To cut intake, make sure that tempting foods are out of sight, and in a place that is difficult to access, such as a top cupboard or basement.
Locn. 1308-10 silence.95 Distractions while eating, such as watching television, reading a magazine or even chatting with others encourage people to consume more.
Locn. 1314-15 The results revealed that those given the large spoons and large bowls had, on average, taken 14 per cent and 31 per cent more ice cream than their modestly equipped companions.
Locn. 1322-24 participants who kept daily food records lost twice as much weight as those who kept none. You don’t need to turn into Samuel Pepys to gain the benefits; just scribbling down what you eat on a Post-It note or sending yourself an email has the same effect.
Locn. 1334-35 Use More Energy. Think about how you could burn more calories by making small changes to your everyday routines.
Locn. 1339-40 placing a mirror in your kitchen may help you shed pounds.101 In several studies,
Locn. 1388-92 So do such studies show that group brainstorming is more effective than individuals working alone? Many scientists are far from convinced. Brian Mullen from the University of Kent at Canterbury and his colleagues analysed twenty studies that tested the efficacy of group brainstorming in this way, and were amazed to discover that in the vast majority of the experiments, the participants working on their own produced a higher quantity and quality of ideas than those working in groups.
Locn. 1398-1403 Additional work revealed that the phenomenon, like the bystander effect described in the Persuasion chapter on p. 64, is largely due to a diffusion of responsibility. When people work on their own, their success or failure is entirely due to their own abilities and hard work. If they do well, the glory is theirs. If they fail, they carry the can. However, add other people to the situation and suddenly everyone stops trying so hard, safe in the knowledge that, though they will not receive personal praise if the group does well, they can always blame others if it performs badly.
Locn. 1511-13 Genuine creativity can come from spending just a few moments occupying your conscious mind, and thus preventing it from interfering with the important and innovative thoughts in your unconscious. Everyone can be more creative; it is just a case of keeping the loud guy in your head busy, and giving the quiet guy a chance to speak up.
Locn. 1579-81 adding flowers and plants to an office resulted in a 15 per cent increase in ideas from male employees, and more flexible solutions to problems from their female counterparts.
Locn. 1595-96 The evidence suggests that for creativity, you are better off going green.
Locn. 1597-1600 To inspire creative thoughts, place plants and flowers in a room, and, if possible, ensure that windows look out on trees and grass, not concrete and steel. Don’t try to fake it. Pictures of waterfalls do not aid innovation, and even high-definition screens showing live-camera feeds from natural scenes do not make people feel more relaxed.
Locn. 1620-21 So, in respect of group creativity, the message is clear: play musical chairs. Even though a team may have worked well together in the past, maximize the potential for new and exciting thoughts by altering members as often as possible.
Locn. 1652-53 The message is clear – if you want to fast-track a group or individual to think more creatively, use the power of visual priming.
Locn. 1697-1700 Priming. To prime your mind into thinking creatively, spend a few moments describing a typical musician or artist. List their behaviours, lifestyle and appearance. Or, following on from Förster’s work into creativity and patterns, use the following designs to help produce original ideas.
Locn. 1710-11 Why you shouldn’t play hard to get, how the subtle art of seduction involves the simplest of touches, rollercoaster rides and artificial Christmas trees.
Locn. 1832-36 Women frequently accuse men of being shallow, and too easily influenced by a pair of large breasts. Guéguen’s adventures with hitchhiking and latex certainly suggest that this is the case. However, his work on the psychology of female seduction shows that women’s romantic decision-making can also be swayed by physical factors, providing they signal high status. Perhaps the real message is that deep down we are all a tad more shallow than we might like to admit.
Locn. 2066-67 So, when it comes to that all-important first date, go somewhere scary and don’t be afraid of intimate conversation. Common sense says your date may find you a tad strange. Science suggests you will be irresistible.
Locn. 2214-16 When it comes to anger management, putting on the boxing gloves or punching a pillow are far more likely to increase, not decrease, feelings of aggression. Instead, it is possible to significantly reduce such feelings by focusing on the benefits that have risen from the seemingly negative events underlying your anger.
Locn. 2256-57 People who spontaneously use humour to cope with stress have particularly healthy immune systems, are 40 per cent less likely to suffer heart attacks and strokes, experience less pain during dental surgery and live 4.5 years longer than average.
Locn. 2296 Seen in this way, dogs are like a devoted therapist, albeit one with woolly ears, a wet nose and low fees.
Locn. 2549-50 long-term couples will feel more attracted to one another when they regularly engage in novel and exciting joint activities which involve working together to achieve a goal.
Locn. 2569-70 men severely underestimate the romantic value of even the simplest act.
Locn. 2627-28 For a relationship to succeed, the frequency of positive comments has to outweigh the number of negative remarks by about five to one. In other words, it takes five instances of agreement and support to undo the harm caused by a single criticism.
Locn. 2858-59 People are far more likely to agree to a big request if they have already agreed to a small one.
Locn. 2879-81 Persuasion is all about getting your foot in the door, the door in your face, surprising people with an unusual request, and offering an endless stream of bargains. More importantly, research shows that these techniques can be learnt in exactly 47 seconds. Actually, 30 seconds tops. And that includes a free set of smaller knives.
Locn. 2955-57 Anagrams and the Unconscious Mind. When making straightforward decisions, stick with the conscious mind by thinking about the pros and cons and assessing the situation in a rational, level-headed way. However, for more complex choices, try giving your conscious mind a rest and letting your unconscious work.
Locn. 3049-50 happiness is about wanting what you have, not having what you want.
Locn. 3136-38 Research shows that people have a strong tendency to underestimate how long a project will take, and that people working in groups are especially likely to have unrealistic expectations.
Locn. 3148-49 So, to find out how long it really will take you to do something, isolate all of the steps involved before making your time estimate.
Locn. 3201-3 The public’s belief about the alleged Mozart effect is a mind myth. There is almost no convincing scientific evidence to suggest that playing his piano music to babies will have any long-term or meaningful impact on their intelligence.
Locn. 3281-83 Remarkable as it may seem, the results revealed that students with first or last names starting with an A or B obtained significantly higher grade-point averages than those beginning with the letters C or D. Locn. 3358-61 all praise is not created equal. Some praise can have devastating effects on a child’s motivation, while other praise can help them achieve their very best. Telling a child they possess a certain trait, such as being bright or talented, is not good for their psychological health because it encourages them to avoid challenging situations, not try so hard and quickly become demotivated when the going gets tough. In contrast, praising effort encourages people to stretch themselves, work hard and persist in the face of difficulties.
Locn. 3399-3401 The ability to delay instant gratification and focus more on long-term success is vital for achieving important aims and ambitions. For example, research shows that school pupils’ level of self-discipline provides a better predictor of their future academic success than their scores on intelligence tests.
Locn. 3701-3 In order to obtain a mysterious insight into yourself and others, it may well be better to forget traditional palmistry and instead focus your attention on the apparently important relative length of the index and ring finger.
Locn. 3706-12 To quickly assess yourself, hold your right hand palm up in front of you and look at the length of your first (index) and third (ring) fingers. Look at where your first finger joins the palm of your hand. There will be several creases there. Place the zero mark of a ruler on the middle of the bottom crease and measure to the tip of your finger (not your nail) in millimetres. Now repeat exactly the same procedure for your right third finger. To find the 2D:4D ratio, divide the length of your first finger by the length of your third finger. Research shows that the average male ratio is about .98, and a ratio of around .94 would be seen as especially masculine, while a ratio of 1.00 would be viewed as more feminine. For women, the average ratio is about 1.0, and a score of around .98 would be seen as more masculine while a ratio of 1.02 would be seen as more feminine.
Locn. 3747-48 Fish owners turned out to be the happiest, dog owners the most fun to be with, cat owners the most dependable and emotionally sensitive and reptile owners the most independent.
Locn. 3765-68 Right-handers can try this quick test to discover if they tend to be more right- than left-brained, or vice versa. Interlock the fingers of your hands and place one thumb on top of the other. People who place their right thumb on top of their left thumb tend to be left-brain dominant, and are thus more verbal and analytical.Those placing their left thumb on top of their right thumbs tend to be right-brain dominant, and excel in visual, creative and intuitive
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Thursday, 11 November 2010
Games People Play (Eric Berne)
From the man who developed the idea of transactional analysis - that human interactions are between the 'parent', 'child' or 'adult' within each of us. Originally written in 1964 and it certainly shows its age in terms of the view of women.
Locn. 240 the principle which emerges here is that any social intercourse whatever has a biological advantage over no intercourse at all.
Locn. 265-66 Belching at meals or asking after another man’s wife are each encouraged or forbidden by local ancestral tradition, and indeed there is a high degree of inverse correlation between these particular transactions. Locn.
2206-12 In this case the rules of ‘Indigent’ were set up by the agency to complement the local rules of ITH Y. There was a tacit agreement between the worker and the client which read as follows: W. ‘I’ll try to help you (providing you don’t get better).’ C. Til lookfor employment (providingldon’t have to find any). If a client broke the agreement by getting better, the agency lost a client, and the client lost his welfare benefits, and both felt penalized. If a worker like Miss Black broke the agreement by making the client actually find work, the agency was penalized by the client’s complaints, which might come to the attention of higher authorities, while again the client lost his welfare benefits.
Locn. 2482-83 so-called ‘objective’ discussions of this game are practically nonexistent. People who claim to be neutral soon show which side they are neutral on.
Locn. 2517-19 ‘Raising’ children is primarily a matter of teaching them what games to play. Different cultures and different social classes favour different types of games, and various tribes and families favour different variations of these. That is the cultural significance of games.
Locn. 2632-35 A Chinese man started to get into a local subway train, when his Caucasian companion pointed out that they could save twenty minutes by taking an express, which they did. When they got off at Central Park, the Chinese man sat down on a bench, much to his friend’s surprise. ‘Well,’ explained the former, ‘since we saved twenty minutes, we can afford to sit here that long and enjoy our surroundings.’
Locn. 2681-82 human life is mainly a process of filling in time until the arrival of death, or Santa Claus, with very little choice, if any, of what kind of business one is going to transact during the long wait,
Locn. 240 the principle which emerges here is that any social intercourse whatever has a biological advantage over no intercourse at all.
Locn. 265-66 Belching at meals or asking after another man’s wife are each encouraged or forbidden by local ancestral tradition, and indeed there is a high degree of inverse correlation between these particular transactions. Locn.
2206-12 In this case the rules of ‘Indigent’ were set up by the agency to complement the local rules of ITH Y. There was a tacit agreement between the worker and the client which read as follows: W. ‘I’ll try to help you (providing you don’t get better).’ C. Til lookfor employment (providingldon’t have to find any). If a client broke the agreement by getting better, the agency lost a client, and the client lost his welfare benefits, and both felt penalized. If a worker like Miss Black broke the agreement by making the client actually find work, the agency was penalized by the client’s complaints, which might come to the attention of higher authorities, while again the client lost his welfare benefits.
Locn. 2482-83 so-called ‘objective’ discussions of this game are practically nonexistent. People who claim to be neutral soon show which side they are neutral on.
Locn. 2517-19 ‘Raising’ children is primarily a matter of teaching them what games to play. Different cultures and different social classes favour different types of games, and various tribes and families favour different variations of these. That is the cultural significance of games.
Locn. 2632-35 A Chinese man started to get into a local subway train, when his Caucasian companion pointed out that they could save twenty minutes by taking an express, which they did. When they got off at Central Park, the Chinese man sat down on a bench, much to his friend’s surprise. ‘Well,’ explained the former, ‘since we saved twenty minutes, we can afford to sit here that long and enjoy our surroundings.’
Locn. 2681-82 human life is mainly a process of filling in time until the arrival of death, or Santa Claus, with very little choice, if any, of what kind of business one is going to transact during the long wait,
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Influence (Robert B. Cialdini)
A book that gives insights into how those who want us to say 'yes' to something can use our innate response mechanisms to get us to do as they wish (well some of the time anyway). Useful if your job involves persuading others, and also useful if you need to resist such persuasion. Also full of quotable facts:
Locn. 151-52 A well-known principle of human behavior says that when we ask someone to do us a favor we will be more successful if we provide a reason. People simply like to have reasons for what they do.
Locn. 157-58 It seems that it was not the whole series of words, but the first one, “because,” that made the difference.
Locn. 163-64 the word “because” triggers an automatic compliance response from Langer’s subjects, even when they were given no subsequent reason to comply.
Locn. 183-84 In fact, automatic, stereotyped behavior is prevalent in much of human action, because in many cases it is the most efficient form of behaving, and in other cases it is simply necessary.
Locn. 264-65 This last feature of the process allows the exploiters an enormous additional benefit—the ability to manipulate without the appearance of manipulation.
Locn. 278-83 A nice demonstration of perceptual contrast is sometimes employed in psychophysics laboratories to introduce students to the principle firsthand. Each student takes a turn sitting in front of three pails of water—one cold, one at room temperature, and one hot. After placing one hand in the cold water and one in the hot water, the student is told to place both in the lukewarm water simultaneously. The look of amused bewilderment that immediately registers tells the story: Even though both hands are in the same bucket, the hand that has been in the cold water feels as if it is now in hot water, while the one that was in the hot water feels as if it is now in cold water.
Locn. 289 sell the costly item first. Common sense might suggest the reverse:
Locn. 348 rule for reciprocation.1 The rule says that we should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us.
Locn. 381-84 Make no mistake, human societies derive a truly significant competitive advantage from the reciprocity rule, and consequently they make sure their members are trained to comply with and believe in it. Each of us has been taught to live up to the rule, and each of us knows about the social sanctions and derision applied to anyone who violates it.
Locn. 417-18 representatives of strange or unpopular organizations—can greatly increase the chance that we will do what they wish merely by providing us with a small favor prior to their requests.
Locn. 438-42 The unsuspecting passerby who suddenly finds a flower pressed into his hands or pinned to his jacket is under no circumstances allowed to give it back, even if he asserts that he does not want it. “No, it is our gift to you,” says the solicitor, refusing to accept it. Only after the Krishna member has thus brought the force of the reciprocation rule to bear on the situation is the target asked to provide a contribution to the Society. This benefactor-before-beggar strategy has been wildly successful for the Hare Krishna Society,
Locn. 482-84 The beauty of the free sample, however, is that it is also a gift and, as such, can engage the reciprocity rule. In true jujitsu fashion, the promoter who gives free samples can release the natural indebting force inherent in a gift while innocently appearing to have only the intention to inform.
Locn. 532-34 the Disabled American Veterans organization reports that its simple mail appeal for donations produces a response rate of about 18 percent. But when the mailing also includes an unsolicited gift (gummed, individualized address labels), the success rate nearly doubles to 35 percent.
Locn. 542-43 it is the obligation to receive that makes the rule so easy to exploit. The obligation to receive reduces our ability to choose whom we wish to be indebted to and puts that power in the hands of others. Locn. 637 Another consequence of the rule, however, is an obligation to make a concession to someone who has made a concession to us.
Locn. 660-64 the rejection-then-retreat technique. Suppose you want me to agree to a certain request. One way to increase your chances would be first to make a larger request of me, one that I will most likely turn down. Then, after I have refused, you would make the smaller request that you were really interested in all along. Provided that you have structured your requests skillfully, I should view your second request as a concession to me and should feel inclined to respond with a concession of my own, the only one I would have immediately open to me—compliance with your second request.
Locn. 696-97 if the first set of demands is so extreme as to be seen as unreasonable, the tactic backfires.11
Locn. 698-700 The truly gifted negotiator, then, is one whose initial position is exaggerated enough to allow for a series of reciprocal concessions that will yield a desirable final offer from the opponent, yet is not so outlandish as to be seen as illegitimate from the start.
Locn. 818-20 Strangely enough, then, it seems that the rejection-then-retreat tactic spurs people not only to agree to a desired request but actually to carry out the request and, finally, to volunteer to perform further requests.
Locn. 842-43 But it appeared to these subjects that they had made the opponent change, that they had produced his concessions. The result was that they felt more responsible for the final outcome of the negotiations.
Locn. 848-50 Satisfaction. Even though, on the average, they gave the most money to the opponent who used the concessions strategy, the subjects who were the targets of this strategy were the most satisfied with the final arrangement. It appears that an agreement that has been forged through the concessions of one’s opponent is quite satisfying.
Locn. 949-51 Once we have made a choice or taken a stand, we will encounter personal and interpersonal pressures to behave consistently with that commitment. Those pressures will cause us to respond in ways that justify our earlier decision.
Locn. 970-71 Indeed, we all fool ourselves from time to time in order to keep our thoughts and beliefs consistent with what we have already done or decided.
Locn. 1111-13 If I can get you to make a commitment (that is, to take a stand, to go on record), I will have set the stage for your automatic and ill-considered consistency with that earlier commitment. Once a stand is taken, there is a natural tendency to behave in ways that are stubbornly consistent with the stand.
Locn. 1215-18 What may occur is a change in the person’s feelings about getting involved or taking action. Once he has agreed to a request, his attitude may change, he may become, in his own eyes, the kind of person who does this sort of thing, who agrees to requests made by strangers, who takes action on things he believes in, who cooperates with good causes.6
Locn. 1218 could use this to gain slx cooperation by praising what team is now doing for common good.
Locn. 1222-24 I am rarely willing to sign a petition anymore, even for a position I support. Such an action has the potential to influence not only my future behavior but also my self-image in ways I may not want. And once a person’s self-image is altered, all sorts of subtle advantages become available to someone who wants to exploit that new image.
Locn. 1233 slx support needs to alter self image as one who works for greater team good
Locn. 1281 tell team they are becoming known as a real force in cleaning date something that was said couldnt be done
Locn. 1334-35 The prisoner experience in Korea showed the Chinese to be quite aware of an important psychological principle: Public commitments tend to be lasting commitments.
Locn. 1338-39 Whenever one takes a stand that is visible to others, there arises a drive to maintain that stand in order to look like a consistent person.
Locn. 1363-64 Should you ever find yourself as the foreperson of a jury under these conditions, then, you could reduce the risk of a hung jury by choosing a secret rather than public balloting technique.11
Locn. 1463-65 “persons who go through a great deal of trouble or pain to attain something tend to value it more highly than persons who attain the same thing with a minimum of effort.”
Locn. 1465 so we need to make jive difficult to be granted access to or maybe a group only after special effort
Locn. 1478-79 those with the most dramatic and stringent initiation ceremonies were those with the greatest group solidarity.
Locn. 1502-3 It appears that commitments are most effective in changing a person’s self-image and future behavior when they are active, public, and effortful.
Locn. 1529-32 Social scientists have determined that we accept inner responsibility for a behavior when we think we have chosen to perform it in the absence of strong outside pressures. A large reward is one such external pressure. It may get us to perform a certain action, but it won’t get us to accept inner responsibility for the act. Consequently, we won’t feel committed to it. The same is true of a strong threat; it may motivate immediate compliance, but it is unlikely to produce long-term commitment.
Locn. 1870 the principle of social proof. It states that one means we use to determine what is correct is to find out what other people think is correct.
Locn. 1906-8 Sales and motivation consultant Cavett Robert captures the principle nicely in his advice to sales trainees: “Since 95 percent of the people are imitators and only 5 percent initiators, people are persuaded more by the actions of others than by any proof we can offer.”
Locn. 2076-78 In general, when we are unsure of ourselves, when the situation is unclear or ambiguous, when uncertainty reigns, we are most likely to look to and accept the actions of others as correct. Locn. 2079-80 Those people are probably examining the social evidence, too. Especially in an ambiguous situation, the tendency for everyone to be looking to see what everyone else is doing can lead to a fascinating phenomenon called “pluralistic ignorance.”
Locn. 2147-48 the state of pluralistic ignorance “in which each person decides that since nobody is concerned, nothing is wrong.
Locn. 2248-49 The principle of social proof operates most powerfully when we are observing the behavior of people just like us.
Locn. 2320-22 Newspaper stories reporting on suicide victims who died alone produce an increase in the frequency of single-fatality wrecks only, whereas stories reporting on suicide-plus-murder incidents produce an increase in multiple-fatality wrecks only.
Locn. 2362-66 the average number of people killed in a fatal crash of a commercial airliner is more than three times greater if the crash happened one week after a front-page suicide story than if it happened one week before. A similar phenomenon can be found in traffic statistics, where there is evidence for the deadly efficiency of postsuicide-story auto crashes. Victims of fatal car wrecks that follow front-page suicide stories die four times more quickly than normal.
Locn. 2373-75 When the newspaper detailed the suicide of a young person, it was young drivers who then piled their cars into trees, poles, and embankments with fatal results; but when the news story concerned an older person’s suicide, older drivers died in such crashes.
Locn. 2455-59 No leader can hope to persuade, regularly and single-handedly, all the members of the group. A forceful leader can reasonably expect, however, to persuade some sizable proportion of group members. Then the raw information that a substantial number of group members has been convinced can, by itself, convince the rest. Thus the most influential leaders are those who know how to arrange group conditions to allow the principle of social proof to work maximally in their favor. Locn. 2661-63 “It would be impossible to overestimate its value. Phoning or calling on a prospect and being able to say that Mr. So-and-so, a friend of his, felt he would benefit by giving you a few moments of his time is virtually as good as a sale 50 percent made before you enter.”
Locn. 2706-7 it is apparent that good-looking people enjoy an enormous social advantage in our culture. They are better liked, more persuasive, more frequently helped, and seen as possessing better personality traits and intellectual capacities. Locn. 3039-41 Gregory Razran. Using what he termed the “luncheon technique,” he found that his subjects became fonder of the people and things they experienced while they were eating.
Locn. 3167-69 This finding tells me that it is not when we have a strong feeling of recognized personal accomplishment that we will seek to bask in reflected glory. Instead, it will be when prestige (both public and private) is low that we will be intent upon using the successes of associated others to help restore image.
Locn. 3353-54 To Milgram’s mind, evidence of a chilling phenomenon emerges repeatedly from his accumulated data: “It is the extreme willingness of adults to go to almost any lengths on the command of an authority that constitutes the chief finding of the study.”
Locn. 3612-13 By establishing their basic truthfulness on minor issues, the compliance professionals who use this ploy can then be more believable when stressing the important aspects of their argument.14 Locn. 3702-3 The idea of potential loss plays a large role in human decision making. In fact, people seem to be more motivated by the thought of losing something than by the thought of gaining something of equal value. Locn. 3992-94 we are most likely to find revolutions where a period of improving economic and social conditions is followed by a short, sharp reversal in those conditions.
Locn. 3992-94 we are most likely to find revolutions where a period of improving economic and social conditions is followed by a short, sharp reversal in those conditions.
Locn. 4271-74 Because technology can evolve much faster than we can, our natural capacity to process information is likely to be increasingly inadequate to handle the surfeit of change, choice, and challenge that is characteristic of modern life. More and more frequently, we will find ourselves in the position of the lower animals—with a mental apparatus that is unequipped to deal thoroughly with the intricacy and richness of the outside environment.
Locn. 151-52 A well-known principle of human behavior says that when we ask someone to do us a favor we will be more successful if we provide a reason. People simply like to have reasons for what they do.
Locn. 157-58 It seems that it was not the whole series of words, but the first one, “because,” that made the difference.
Locn. 163-64 the word “because” triggers an automatic compliance response from Langer’s subjects, even when they were given no subsequent reason to comply.
Locn. 183-84 In fact, automatic, stereotyped behavior is prevalent in much of human action, because in many cases it is the most efficient form of behaving, and in other cases it is simply necessary.
Locn. 264-65 This last feature of the process allows the exploiters an enormous additional benefit—the ability to manipulate without the appearance of manipulation.
Locn. 278-83 A nice demonstration of perceptual contrast is sometimes employed in psychophysics laboratories to introduce students to the principle firsthand. Each student takes a turn sitting in front of three pails of water—one cold, one at room temperature, and one hot. After placing one hand in the cold water and one in the hot water, the student is told to place both in the lukewarm water simultaneously. The look of amused bewilderment that immediately registers tells the story: Even though both hands are in the same bucket, the hand that has been in the cold water feels as if it is now in hot water, while the one that was in the hot water feels as if it is now in cold water.
Locn. 289 sell the costly item first. Common sense might suggest the reverse:
Locn. 348 rule for reciprocation.1 The rule says that we should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us.
Locn. 381-84 Make no mistake, human societies derive a truly significant competitive advantage from the reciprocity rule, and consequently they make sure their members are trained to comply with and believe in it. Each of us has been taught to live up to the rule, and each of us knows about the social sanctions and derision applied to anyone who violates it.
Locn. 417-18 representatives of strange or unpopular organizations—can greatly increase the chance that we will do what they wish merely by providing us with a small favor prior to their requests.
Locn. 438-42 The unsuspecting passerby who suddenly finds a flower pressed into his hands or pinned to his jacket is under no circumstances allowed to give it back, even if he asserts that he does not want it. “No, it is our gift to you,” says the solicitor, refusing to accept it. Only after the Krishna member has thus brought the force of the reciprocation rule to bear on the situation is the target asked to provide a contribution to the Society. This benefactor-before-beggar strategy has been wildly successful for the Hare Krishna Society,
Locn. 482-84 The beauty of the free sample, however, is that it is also a gift and, as such, can engage the reciprocity rule. In true jujitsu fashion, the promoter who gives free samples can release the natural indebting force inherent in a gift while innocently appearing to have only the intention to inform.
Locn. 532-34 the Disabled American Veterans organization reports that its simple mail appeal for donations produces a response rate of about 18 percent. But when the mailing also includes an unsolicited gift (gummed, individualized address labels), the success rate nearly doubles to 35 percent.
Locn. 542-43 it is the obligation to receive that makes the rule so easy to exploit. The obligation to receive reduces our ability to choose whom we wish to be indebted to and puts that power in the hands of others. Locn. 637 Another consequence of the rule, however, is an obligation to make a concession to someone who has made a concession to us.
Locn. 660-64 the rejection-then-retreat technique. Suppose you want me to agree to a certain request. One way to increase your chances would be first to make a larger request of me, one that I will most likely turn down. Then, after I have refused, you would make the smaller request that you were really interested in all along. Provided that you have structured your requests skillfully, I should view your second request as a concession to me and should feel inclined to respond with a concession of my own, the only one I would have immediately open to me—compliance with your second request.
Locn. 696-97 if the first set of demands is so extreme as to be seen as unreasonable, the tactic backfires.11
Locn. 698-700 The truly gifted negotiator, then, is one whose initial position is exaggerated enough to allow for a series of reciprocal concessions that will yield a desirable final offer from the opponent, yet is not so outlandish as to be seen as illegitimate from the start.
Locn. 818-20 Strangely enough, then, it seems that the rejection-then-retreat tactic spurs people not only to agree to a desired request but actually to carry out the request and, finally, to volunteer to perform further requests.
Locn. 842-43 But it appeared to these subjects that they had made the opponent change, that they had produced his concessions. The result was that they felt more responsible for the final outcome of the negotiations.
Locn. 848-50 Satisfaction. Even though, on the average, they gave the most money to the opponent who used the concessions strategy, the subjects who were the targets of this strategy were the most satisfied with the final arrangement. It appears that an agreement that has been forged through the concessions of one’s opponent is quite satisfying.
Locn. 949-51 Once we have made a choice or taken a stand, we will encounter personal and interpersonal pressures to behave consistently with that commitment. Those pressures will cause us to respond in ways that justify our earlier decision.
Locn. 970-71 Indeed, we all fool ourselves from time to time in order to keep our thoughts and beliefs consistent with what we have already done or decided.
Locn. 1111-13 If I can get you to make a commitment (that is, to take a stand, to go on record), I will have set the stage for your automatic and ill-considered consistency with that earlier commitment. Once a stand is taken, there is a natural tendency to behave in ways that are stubbornly consistent with the stand.
Locn. 1215-18 What may occur is a change in the person’s feelings about getting involved or taking action. Once he has agreed to a request, his attitude may change, he may become, in his own eyes, the kind of person who does this sort of thing, who agrees to requests made by strangers, who takes action on things he believes in, who cooperates with good causes.6
Locn. 1218 could use this to gain slx cooperation by praising what team is now doing for common good.
Locn. 1222-24 I am rarely willing to sign a petition anymore, even for a position I support. Such an action has the potential to influence not only my future behavior but also my self-image in ways I may not want. And once a person’s self-image is altered, all sorts of subtle advantages become available to someone who wants to exploit that new image.
Locn. 1233 slx support needs to alter self image as one who works for greater team good
Locn. 1281 tell team they are becoming known as a real force in cleaning date something that was said couldnt be done
Locn. 1334-35 The prisoner experience in Korea showed the Chinese to be quite aware of an important psychological principle: Public commitments tend to be lasting commitments.
Locn. 1338-39 Whenever one takes a stand that is visible to others, there arises a drive to maintain that stand in order to look like a consistent person.
Locn. 1363-64 Should you ever find yourself as the foreperson of a jury under these conditions, then, you could reduce the risk of a hung jury by choosing a secret rather than public balloting technique.11
Locn. 1463-65 “persons who go through a great deal of trouble or pain to attain something tend to value it more highly than persons who attain the same thing with a minimum of effort.”
Locn. 1465 so we need to make jive difficult to be granted access to or maybe a group only after special effort
Locn. 1478-79 those with the most dramatic and stringent initiation ceremonies were those with the greatest group solidarity.
Locn. 1502-3 It appears that commitments are most effective in changing a person’s self-image and future behavior when they are active, public, and effortful.
Locn. 1529-32 Social scientists have determined that we accept inner responsibility for a behavior when we think we have chosen to perform it in the absence of strong outside pressures. A large reward is one such external pressure. It may get us to perform a certain action, but it won’t get us to accept inner responsibility for the act. Consequently, we won’t feel committed to it. The same is true of a strong threat; it may motivate immediate compliance, but it is unlikely to produce long-term commitment.
Locn. 1870 the principle of social proof. It states that one means we use to determine what is correct is to find out what other people think is correct.
Locn. 1906-8 Sales and motivation consultant Cavett Robert captures the principle nicely in his advice to sales trainees: “Since 95 percent of the people are imitators and only 5 percent initiators, people are persuaded more by the actions of others than by any proof we can offer.”
Locn. 2076-78 In general, when we are unsure of ourselves, when the situation is unclear or ambiguous, when uncertainty reigns, we are most likely to look to and accept the actions of others as correct. Locn. 2079-80 Those people are probably examining the social evidence, too. Especially in an ambiguous situation, the tendency for everyone to be looking to see what everyone else is doing can lead to a fascinating phenomenon called “pluralistic ignorance.”
Locn. 2147-48 the state of pluralistic ignorance “in which each person decides that since nobody is concerned, nothing is wrong.
Locn. 2248-49 The principle of social proof operates most powerfully when we are observing the behavior of people just like us.
Locn. 2320-22 Newspaper stories reporting on suicide victims who died alone produce an increase in the frequency of single-fatality wrecks only, whereas stories reporting on suicide-plus-murder incidents produce an increase in multiple-fatality wrecks only.
Locn. 2362-66 the average number of people killed in a fatal crash of a commercial airliner is more than three times greater if the crash happened one week after a front-page suicide story than if it happened one week before. A similar phenomenon can be found in traffic statistics, where there is evidence for the deadly efficiency of postsuicide-story auto crashes. Victims of fatal car wrecks that follow front-page suicide stories die four times more quickly than normal.
Locn. 2373-75 When the newspaper detailed the suicide of a young person, it was young drivers who then piled their cars into trees, poles, and embankments with fatal results; but when the news story concerned an older person’s suicide, older drivers died in such crashes.
Locn. 2455-59 No leader can hope to persuade, regularly and single-handedly, all the members of the group. A forceful leader can reasonably expect, however, to persuade some sizable proportion of group members. Then the raw information that a substantial number of group members has been convinced can, by itself, convince the rest. Thus the most influential leaders are those who know how to arrange group conditions to allow the principle of social proof to work maximally in their favor. Locn. 2661-63 “It would be impossible to overestimate its value. Phoning or calling on a prospect and being able to say that Mr. So-and-so, a friend of his, felt he would benefit by giving you a few moments of his time is virtually as good as a sale 50 percent made before you enter.”
Locn. 2706-7 it is apparent that good-looking people enjoy an enormous social advantage in our culture. They are better liked, more persuasive, more frequently helped, and seen as possessing better personality traits and intellectual capacities. Locn. 3039-41 Gregory Razran. Using what he termed the “luncheon technique,” he found that his subjects became fonder of the people and things they experienced while they were eating.
Locn. 3167-69 This finding tells me that it is not when we have a strong feeling of recognized personal accomplishment that we will seek to bask in reflected glory. Instead, it will be when prestige (both public and private) is low that we will be intent upon using the successes of associated others to help restore image.
Locn. 3353-54 To Milgram’s mind, evidence of a chilling phenomenon emerges repeatedly from his accumulated data: “It is the extreme willingness of adults to go to almost any lengths on the command of an authority that constitutes the chief finding of the study.”
Locn. 3612-13 By establishing their basic truthfulness on minor issues, the compliance professionals who use this ploy can then be more believable when stressing the important aspects of their argument.14 Locn. 3702-3 The idea of potential loss plays a large role in human decision making. In fact, people seem to be more motivated by the thought of losing something than by the thought of gaining something of equal value. Locn. 3992-94 we are most likely to find revolutions where a period of improving economic and social conditions is followed by a short, sharp reversal in those conditions.
Locn. 3992-94 we are most likely to find revolutions where a period of improving economic and social conditions is followed by a short, sharp reversal in those conditions.
Locn. 4271-74 Because technology can evolve much faster than we can, our natural capacity to process information is likely to be increasingly inadequate to handle the surfeit of change, choice, and challenge that is characteristic of modern life. More and more frequently, we will find ourselves in the position of the lower animals—with a mental apparatus that is unequipped to deal thoroughly with the intricacy and richness of the outside environment.
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